My Words: Persevering Together

When people find out you’re a former Badger athlete, they often ask you to describe the best thing about your experience. For me, winning the first NCAA title in Wisconsin women’s hockey history while serving as team captain is right up there near the top.

Now, 17 years later, I understand that the best part of my four-year experience was how it shaped my character and provided me with the skills of perseverance, grit and resiliency.

I’d been living my ideal, social-media worthy life until that fateful day in June of 2022 when I received a call that my husband, Jesse, a firefighter for the City of Madison, had been in a very bad car accident. He was alive, but had broken his neck. He was subsequently airlifted multiple times to different hospitals until he found his way to Froedtert in Milwaukee. He spent three weeks in intensive care and five weeks on the neurology floor there before moving to UW Hospital for four more weeks. He returned to our home in Madison in a motorized wheelchair. He had no movement from his chest down, including his hands and part of his arms. He’s a quadriplegic.

I often think about the many conversations that Jesse and I had relating to calls that he’s been on as a first responder in the city of Badgers. 

There was the time he helped deliver a baby and received the coveted stork pin. There was the time he was fresh out of the academy and placed his first king tube, under pressure, prolonging a life. There was the time he responded to a very bad car accident on the Beltline and needed to cut the person out of the car. 

I distinctly remember him saying to me the next day, “That person is definitely paralyzed.” I also think about how we commiserated, “If that ever happens to me …”

Well, here we are. It has happened to us.

I don’t spend a lot of time reliving the day of the accident — all the whys and what ifs — because it doesn’t do any good. From time to time, a “Why me?” may sneak up, especially as Jesse grieves the loss of his firefighting profession. He gave his heart to his job. He loved it to no end. 

For the most part we try to focus on what we have, what we can control, how we can move forward every day. Ultimately we are grateful and blessed. We have two fantastic kids, amazing families and an incredible support system of friends, co-workers, mentors and acquaintances. Of course, we have each other.

I’m passionate about my professional career and growth, as well as my time on the executive board of the W Club, the official letterwinners’ association for Wisconsin Athletics.

One of the most common statements I’ve heard since the accident is “How do you do it?” How do I balance a career, my role as a mother to an 8-year-old and 6-year-old, my responsibilities as a wife and, now, as caregiver to Jesse? My answer: There’s no other option but to persevere. We will find a way to push forward because we have no other choice. I will not settle for less.

I thank hockey for almost everything I have, but especially the perspectives and instincts that form the foundation of my life. It’s where I learned how to work through adversity and where I got my won’t-quit attitude. It’s where I learned to work with other people and personalities and rally a team. It’s where I learned how you work through challenges both on and off the ice. It’s also where I met Jesse during a Monday night men’s league on the East Side. 

Prior to the accident, Jesse and I used to talk about having big, blowout 40th birthday celebrations. As we turn 40, post-accident, we spend more time thinking about how we can continue to make an impact, how we can continue finding purpose and making a difference.

In early May, members of the Firefighters Local 311 and former UW women’s hockey players organized the second annual Faust Fest, a fundraiser at Madison Ice Arena to help first responders in need.

In the inaugural event last year, Jesse lit up the whole weekend. The women’s hockey alums and Madison firefighters played in a tournament and donated memorabilia to support the cause. I’m so grateful for the support all the former Badgers and Local 311 have extended to us.

The greatness of the weekend didn’t really hit me until I was sitting in the dressing room putting my skates on. I noticed a quote on the wall that said, “Life is 10 percent of what happens to you and 90 percent of how you respond.” That couldn’t be more fitting for this moment in life.

These days I spend a lot of time thinking about my kids. How will this affect their lives in the long run? Or even in the short-term? As I watch them play their sports, I find myself caring less about their performances in each play, practice or game. I think often as former athletes we want our children to follow in our footsteps, to play the same sport or follow the same path to success.

At the end of the day, I just want my kids to build their character. My hope is that they will be resilient, gritty and persevere through challenging times. In that case, Jesse and I would win the greatest championship of all.

Did you enjoy reading this? Read more My Words stories from the Badgers here.