I grew a lot in my freshman year of college. I immediately ran into problems when I needed to have shoulder surgery right before the first weekend of games. My only option was to redshirt.
Another injured teammate and I had to sit on the bench and watch practice, which is harder than people realize. We were sitting there and watching, not part of the inside jokes that happen on the ice or in the locker room. It was difficult and I felt very disconnected from the team.
I’ve always struggled with my mental health. As an athlete, you’re expected to not have anything else going on, but I had a lot going on, especially through high school. I felt like I needed to be in a good place all the time, and that made everything 10 times worse. When I decided that it was okay to be not well, that’s when I started getting better. Once you take that first step, things might get harder for a bit, but eventually you begin moving forward. For me, knowing that it was okay to not be doing well was a huge change in my life.
What helps too is having a community around me, which starts with my teammates. There's no way around it, you have to get close to them. You don't have to like all of them, you don't have to be best friends with all of them, but at the end of the day, they all have your back. Being around places like the Kohl Center or Camp Randall you meet other athletes too. I share a dorm with soccer, swim and dive, men's hockey, tennis and golf athletes. It's cool just to be able to say “hi” to them.
I even met my girlfriend of one year this way. We would pass by each other in the halls of my dorm, and we slowly started to interact more and more. It was during a difficult time in my injury recovery process. Sometimes it would physically hurt, other times it would mentally weigh on me that I couldn’t play, but she was there for me through all the ups and downs. She’s been a big part of my support system since I met her.